As I sat on the plane last year, ignoring the rules and fooling around on my iPhone, I remembered a Mythbusters-episode where they busted the myth that cellphones are damaging to the airplane’s flight mechanics. It got me thinking of 10 things you’ll never on an iPhone (unless it gets hacked, but then Jobs’ won’t endorse it and it’s not really an “App” of the glossy Apple-kind).

1. iCrash

You are now in control of the airplane. With this app the lives of the rest of your travel companions are in your very palm. Choose what equipment to  render useless and where to crash! You will then become cool like a terrorist, eh crashes planes and doesn’t afraid of anything.

2. iCopynpaste

Mark text wherever, copy it, and paste it in wherever you like. Excellent for SMS-ing, excellent for e-mailing,  excellent for just about anything, including your mum.

3. iWin

Tired of always doing it bad on the exams? Well, this tool will help you pass your exams AND it emulates WINDOWS at the same time! Now if only you can bring your iPhone to school that day… (There’s nothing that can stop you from hiding it anywhere, now is it?)

4. iDrain

Drains the rest of the battery in one go! Perfect for when you need to be absolutely unreachable, like when your boss is trying to get hold of you for some important details about a project or when your mum calls and tells you to come home.

5. iNnocent

Get away with murder and other, horrible things! This tool teaches you the fine values of proper rhetoric, how to plead not guilty and how to smooth-talk the judge and the jury. Your family will love you again and you’ll never go to jail again!

6. iRan

It’s a virtual Ahmadinejad; dress him up and wreak havoc on the jews! Torture people in prisons and avoid gay/lesbian rights with the support of the radical left. Being a president has never been this fun!

7. iDiot

This tool lets you see how stupid you can be and get away with it, because other people are amazingly stupid too. It’s got a handy checklist and a whole lot of tips included. Only $400 in your nearest App-store!

8. iSpend

Pay your bills, your groceries and your mum’s alcohol on your phone! Get your receipts directly on your phone too so you don’t have to hassle all the paper bits after a shopping spree. Just put your phone towards the reader on the counter and everything’s paid for. As simple as that.

9. iHolocaust

Rediscover and parttake in the nazis’ genocide of the jews during the second world war! See how efficiently you can stove them together in the gas chambers, and see how long you can keep them alive through the winter. Remember you only have 5 years until the allies come to whoop your ass.

10. iCantbelieveitsnotitunes

But it is!!! This app gives you all the rights you need over your iPhone. Never again do you have to conform to the horrible bloatware that is iTunes. Steve Jobs is rolling in his future grave right now. (Yes, it does exist in a hacked version.)

Bonus: iDrive

Use your iPhone as a harddrive! Now you can upload all your nasty stuff to it to show your friends while the police are ransacking your apartment. Just remember to turn off the GPS while you’re hiding! (Goes well together with iDrain.)